> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.foundedbywomen.org/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # "Say Their Name": Marcy Kelly on Grief, Motherhood, and Writing The Porcelain Heart - URL: https://www.foundedbywomen.org/books/say-their-name-marcy-kelly-on-grief-motherhood-and-writing-the-porcelain-heart/ - Published: 2026-10-27T02:06:56.000Z - Updated: 2026-10-27T02:06:55.000Z - Author: Editorial team - Tags: Books Marcy Kelly never set out to write a book. It started with notes, jotted down during the agonizing wait for answers after she learned her son Michael's body had been found in his apartment. He was forty-five, her only child, and for months there were no answers about when or how he had died. Writing became a way to hold onto memory before time could blur or embellish it. What began as private notes for family slowly grew into *The Porcelain Hear*t, a memoir about losing an adult child and the singular, often misunderstood grief that follows. Marcy draws on her own experience and on conversations with other parents in grief groups to challenge the instinct many people have to avoid saying a deceased child's name, an instinct she says does more harm than comfort. In this Q&A for Founded by Women, Marcy talks about why she chose to make something so personal public, what well-meaning friends and family tend to get wrong, and what she wishes someone had told her about the year ahead when her grief was at its rawest. [Marcy Kelly](https://www.marcykelly.net/?ref=foundedbywomen.org) studied creative writing at UCLA and earned a Master of Fine Arts from Antioch University. Her co-written script, Fool Me Twice, won the Producers Guild of America's Best Screenplay Award. A former communications executive and press liaison for federal government agencies, she also served as the director of Paul Newman's charitable foundation. She writes fiction and nonfiction. Seek Higher Ground was featured as Story of the Week by Narrative Magazine, and her work, while sometimes humorous, frequently explores themes of grief, memory, and the enduring bonds between parent and child. Marcy is here to talk about her new book, *The Porcelain Heart: A Memoir of Unexpected Loss*. > Know a founder (or are one) doing incredible work? **Founded by Women Awards** are open for entries. If you're building something bold, leading with purpose, or driving change in your industry, we'd love for you to enter. 👉 [foundedbywomen.org/awards](https://www.foundedbywomen.org/awards/) --- ## Q: The Porcelain Heart is about the sudden loss of your only child, Michael. What made you decide to write about something so personal, and what did you hope readers would take away from it? It didn’t begin as a book. I kept notes from conversations with the police and coroner’s office after I was told Michael’s body had been found in his apartment. He was forty-five years old and I was anxious to know when he died, the cause, and so on. There were no answers for many months. As I was waiting, I started writing down memories of him. I didn’t want to forget or embellish them as time went on. Slowly, the concept of a book to share with family members evolved. After showing some early drafts to friends, I was encouraged to think about expanding the audience to others experiencing loss. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/31/8d/318d86a0-207a-4008-9f76-8243913f9818/content/images/2026/09/PorcelainHeart.jpeg) ## Q: You've talked about how "say their name" changed the way you think about supporting grieving people. What do well-meaning friends and family usually get wrong when someone they love is grieving? When Michael died, I was profoundly ignorant about grief. I had experienced the loss of my grandparents and my parents, a school friend, and an ex-boyfriend. But nothing prepared me for the loss of my child. I joined a grief group with other parents who had lost their adult children. We all commented on how people avoided mentioning our child’s name. We agreed that well-wishers thought they were doing us a favor, not stirring the pot, or making us sad. But here’s the truth. We are already sad, sadder than they could possibly know, and avoiding the elephant in the room and not mentioning our child’s name or death was hurtful. More than anything we wanted to hear that name and stories about our child. ## Q: What would you want other people navigating grief to know about the year ahead of them? I have come to believe that levels of grief are proportionate to the level of expectation. As children, we perceive our grandparents as old and know that they will leave us before our parents. As we grow older, we see our parents age and perhaps diminish through illness. So, when they pass on, as sad as it is, we’ve had an expectation that it could happen. When our child dies, it upends the order of things. It is not supposed to happen. All our plans for the future go with them. It leaves an immeasurable void in our lives. My advice to anyone struggling in that first year, whose life is filled with grief, is to take baby steps. First you must find the energy to get out of bed and take a shower. Once you are ready, find something that will help divert the pain. For me it was learning to play bridge. The concentration needed to play the game, allowed me to focus on something else for a few hours. One mother wrote me to say crocheting saved her sanity. For someone else it might be volunteering or taking up a sport. After you’ve lost a child, you discover that there are lot of us. By age 60, eight million parents will have buried a child, by age 80, twelve million. Time is irrelevant; the grieving never ends. What I think is strange is that there is no name for a childless parent. > Are you a woman leader with an inspiring story? Founded by Women elevates the voices of women making an impact. > Breaking barriers or paving the way for others? We'd love to feature you. Get in touch! 👉 [hi@foundedbywomen.org](mailto:hi@foundedbywomen.org)